25 Things...

1. I lie to the ones I love and the brutally honest truth to everyone else.

2. I often fantasize after watching infomercials on Extenze if it will increase my sexual prowess.

3. I'm underachieving at a rapid rate.

4. I am a master of deception when it comes to consuming alcohol with females. Because my cup may appear full but I'll never drink more than you then blame it on the alcohol the day after we have sex...

(sorry to the victims)

5. My sex drive is never in park and only neutral when I'm getting head.

6. Love doesn't exist and if it does the closest thing to it is a honey bun cooked in the microwave for 20 seconds.

7. I expect perfection even though it's attainable.

8. The female mind, although complex, is easily dominated by way of attachment and when I'm in control of it I usually ruin their psyche and feel extremely guilty after especially when I love them.

9. Male ego is equivalent to an eff shell, once cracked and exposed it's extremely vulnerable. With that being said, my ego is the size of Jupiter and is as bruised as Rihanna's face after Chris Brown was done with her.

10. I'm way too over-confident.

11. I'm indifferent over what makes me happy.

12. I give more attention and put more effort into Sportscenter then I do with relationships.

13. If I'm not famous by the time I'm 25, I'll give a live feed of my suicide on my blog and go out in a blaze of glory, snorting Tony Montana-like mounds of cocaine off a vintage Playboy magazine.

14. When I was 9 I believed that if I put sporting waves in my head, brushed for 5 minutes and put a stocking cap on my head, I'd have waves like Mase...guess what? IT DIDN'T WORK!

15. I've been told I had so much talent but have no clue how to use it to my advantage. Any idea? Call (347) 210-5071

16. One of my substitute teachers in the 11th grade took my cell phone and told me to wait after class. Of course I agreed happily. Then she told me if I wanted it back, to get on my knees and beg for it while she had a skirt on. Damn, Ms. Smith, do that shit now. Unfortunately a student walked in and nothing happened, but I still remember.

17. I once took another girls car and went to pick up my girlfriend with it. Although morally wrong, I had good intentions. Is that considered cheating?

18. I wear boxer briefs. I'm officially an adult.

19. I think I could be a rapper but no one believes in me.

20. I got caught stealing from 7-11 in Texas and was subjected to the embarassment of having all the items on display on top of my car while people sat back and laughed.

21. I have several $600 belts but I don't have a car, a bed or a laptop.

22. I sometimes wish I was white so I would be accepted in my social class without the acquirement of material things.

23. I have a tendency to crumble and give up on life when something negative happens.

24. I'm more attracted to a females ability to keep pace with my mental energy than their physical attributes.

25. I spend at least 22 minutes and 30 seconds a day celebrating and sulking in my own pity party with no cake, candles or guest.

**BONUS**
My immaturity hormones and just being a dumb ass prevent me from being in 100% committed relationship.